I’ll admit to there being times when I’m consumed with guilt for my very existence. While not helpful to anyone, there are those times. I almost feel like I got away with something, being born a woman in this place, in this time in history. These are pretty unreal living conditions. The reality of the cultural conditions for so many alive today and who’ve come before- and here I am. Here. I am. I get this life? Why? My own mother can bring me to tears with tales of her childhood and I do say she exceeded her intention
Give a Shit
Have you ever been going along minding your own business and then got caught up in an idea or concept or project or person and found yourself soaring along and buying in, only to end up feeling totally duped? And as you opened your eyes you’re all- how the heck did I let THAT happen? You know what’s great about those moments? Your eyes open. What’s brutal is that this is happening all the time as our world-views, values and perspectives are formed by the culture we’re in and much of the time it’s near impossible to wake up and see
Giving it your all is the gold star of our cultural value system. We love a story about prevailing over adversity through sheer will. We celebrate going above and beyond the call of duty. Under-promise and over-deliver is a strategy to strive for and there’s something downright sexy about giving every last drop of everything you’ve got to something that matters. And this is how I got sick. Not like sick-sick. Not like out of time or options or resources sick. But my body said no through more than whispers. It was a dull illness that came and went for a year.
Welcome to Earth. Choose your addiction, your affliction, because perfection is fiction delusional wishing to be free of our grasping and tender humanity. The intensity of anxiety that can accompany uncertainty may lure us endlessly into perceived solutions for the lack of ground. Something to get, to attain, to consume Something to crave, grasp for. But there’s never going to be ground. There’s never going to be a destination to relax at. Relaxation comes when we cease chase the experience that will obliterate this one. Our addictions, whether debilitating substances, social media, spinning thoughts or endless bickering. Shopping or sex or
You know when you see a kid in the playground acting like a complete jackass to all the other children and you’re all ‘where is your mother?!?’ That’s how I felt with this guy working in the hardware store. I can’t even remember what I was shopping for, the experience with the clerk was so distracting from my task at hand. He was on the phone and didn’t look up when I came in. His conversation was clearly personal and not at all urgent and he rattled along, casually cussing, before finally saying that he should probably go as though
I am not free until we’re all free. I was first introduced to term Bodhisattva when I read The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron for the first time when I was about 21. A Bodhisattva is on a path to liberation but that liberation does not make them immune to the mess of life and death, despair and defilement, and all the other splendors of the human experience. Their path is one for the sake of all beings. Their enlightenment comes as all beings attain enlightenment. They stick around for us. The Bodhisattva comes back again and again
I don’t give a damn what other people think about me. Just kidding. I totally care. But liberating oneself from the fear of judgment from others seems to be a hearty goal for many. How many times have you heard that you shouldn’t care what other people think? How many times, when struggling to move forward with something, when creating something, when wanting to share yourself or your art with others, have you thought to yourself… Why do I care what people think so much?! I shouldn’t care what others think. Not true. Of course you care what other people
I have a short article up at Beams and Struts. It’s actually not really an article. It’s an angry rant— about beauty. Check it here.
When I was 19, I started a hair salon with a good friend and heaps of community support. We were total frauds. We didn’t know a thing about business (really? We have to collect sales tax? We shouldn’t just randomly close when we want to? We should mark up our retail products so that we make money off them? Promising topless hair cuts to cute boys at the bar is wholly inappropriate? Even if we’re kidding?) We didn’t have hairdressing licences yet, both having lost our apprenticeships when the salon we were at went bankrupt. We had ambitions. We had heart. We were
We’re all leading something in some way. Maybe it’s a company, a project or a team. Could be a family, a clique or culture. A new Renaissance. A Revolution. Evolution. Maybe your heart’s leading your way or your mind’s leading your work or your ideals are leading your art. Maybe you quietly sneak up on your mission, plodding away, one foot in front of the other. Maybe you explode into it, the shrapnel of your passion slicing through doubt and mediocrity. Maybe you pace or sprint or skip or lurk. Maybe you lead with logic or intuition, with an army