When does she get you? Does she lurk around, waiting for an object to lurch upon? Does she hang in the background, always ready to go? Maybe she comes running out of the blue, full throttle, frothing and hating.
Envy. She’s seething and seductive, her whip is sharp and fast. She’s wearing stilettos that could pierce the hardest of hearts. She’s got a smoke in a long sleek holder and blows rings around discernment and self-esteem until you don’t know where YOU are. How a room can feel so hot and so cold all at once is a mystery and it’s hers to keep.
So…when does she get you? Who do you envy, when, why?
I envy women. Never men. No need, don’t want to be like them. Not hating…love men…just don’t want to be one. But envy gets me when a woman’s got something I don’t. Like really toned legs and a small ass. A demeanour that’s open and soft, receptive and sweetly vulnerable. A loving, supportive husband with a kick ass sense of humour and easy can-do attitude. Emotional depth and mystery. Unapologetic and radiant. Fun-loving, carefree and going for it. Confident, driven and successful….wait a minute...
Envy is a trickster…The felt sense of envy is that someone out there has something we don’t have. Sometimes true. But often not. She’ll show up even when someone’s got something we do have. So what’s with that?
Have you ever been in a dark and relatively unhealthy relationship, but you learned so much about yourself and grew so much that you’re grateful for the experience? Welcome to Envy. She doesn’t feel good, is often kind of fucked up and confusing because suddenly you’re unable to feel joyful for your best friend who just landed her dream job/house/love/art. But Envy, she’s got something to teach, to awaken us to. She’s got something to say…
What’s that quality in the other that hooks you, that asks me to come in and stay a while? Where’s that quality in you? How have you dissociated, sold out, pushed down or sidestepped your longing to express that quality? Now go…grapple…work…expand…shine. And I’ll be history.
When envy comes, I get to fall in love—with the parts of my holy greatness I’d temporarily forgotten about. She slaps me awake and reminds me of who I am and what I want and what I’ve got. She’s cold water on the face. An invitation to feel my own deepest callings, my own qualities, gifts, longings and she dares me not to go for it, promising to swallow me whole if I deny myself and deny the world my Self for one. more. second.