One of the gifts of 2020, if we can pull it in close, is that of shattered illusions. Things may not be as set as they seemed. Control wasn’t in our grasp. No one really knows what they’re doing and we sure as heck can’t predict the future. As the year rounds its end, as the autumn season closes in the northern hemisphere, I’ve been reflecting a lot on digestion, shedding, letting go, shaking off. Harvesting the gifts of what’s here and letting the rest return to the unknown. In my body this has meant finding the places that are
Give a Shit
Coping in the Unknown
We’ve been getting a crash course in navigating the unknown. Like in a super macro way. No effing around, 2020 has us on the edge. The edge of our seats, the edge of our capacities, the edge of evolution. When you’re at your edge, what are the coping mechanisms that pop up first? Distracting or dissociating? The ol’ numb + soothe? Controlling yourself, others or your environment? Fits of fear or flight? Being able to be with uncertainty and navigate the unknown is a skill we can actually develop. But being able to regulate ourselves before our lizard brains take
Is excellence your enemy?
For years, I found myself in the same pattern. I’d be pursuing a vision or goal, something right on the edge of a whole new territory of creativity, genius, and impact. I’d feel electric with possibility. Then I’d get sick. I’d pull back. Daunted and disheartened, I just wouldn’t have the energy for it. Especially the pieces that felt vulnerable, risky, hard. I assumed I’d just taken on too much. I first caught the pattern when I read The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. One of the concepts he unpacks is what happens when we try to make the leap
Does your strategy include the mystery?
I love strategies. I love making plans. True story: When my husband and I first started dating, I was about to head out for a five-week trip to Costa Rica and was packing a pretty full schedule. I’d suggested we open the calendar together and do a little planning. He said yes, with enthusiasm. He had me at his willingness to get into planning mode with me, but really won me over when he said “This is great, now we know all the times we’ll get to spend together.” *giggle swoon* Fast forward six years and he groans at calendar time and gives
Your gifts may be rough. Offer them anyway.
Diamonds start rough and so do our gifts. The measure of what we have to offer should not be in its popularity or ‘people getting it’ or likes or uptake. The measure of what we have to offer is by how much it’s killing us to keep it inside and who is suffering without it. My friends, I know the fears. “It’s been done before, it’s been said before, my ideas aren’t unique.” “I’ll be judged or shamed or persecuted. Or worse, I’ll be boring, irrelevant.” “It’s too noisy, people want quick fixes, success and ethics don’t mix.” “I’ll lose
My Inconvenient Holiday Miracle
I’m not here to share about the last 10 years, but what happened in the last 10 days. My holiday miracle. This miracle made time stretch out like taffy, my Christmas socks sticking to the present moment without slipping in the usual ways. Our home was bursting with guests and food and wine and music. Busy. And yet, with this miracle came a different kind of silence, stillness. Space between the moments. My mind settled, less grasping, less reaching, less distracting. Fullness came rushing in. Connections right in front of me became my whole world. I got to put down
On fear, doubt and the vulnerability of dreaming. Are you enough to meet your calling?
Do you feel like you’re enough to meet your calling? People often reveal to me that what’s holding them back from their next level pursuit is a fear that they don’t have what it takes or are not good enough to pull it off. What if we turned that fear on its head by accepting the truth of our not-enough-ness? Instead of being afraid that you don’t have what it takes, acknowledge that you actually don’t. Yet. What are the assumptions embedded in this ‘not good enough’ fear? I had a conversation with a friend recently who had heaps of experience,
The Mudpit of Being and Becoming.
I first came to know the value of focusing on my development early on. I believe fervently in the gifts we have to bring to the world. Like each of us are cells in one body, traveling about, contributing to our collective wholeness. The concept of Self-as-Instrument has always resonated for me as both a lifelong path and practice and also as the truest way to do good work in the world. Develop self-awareness, cultivate presence and embody the capacities that support the work I want to do. Sign me up! Doing my first Vipassana meditation retreat at 18 seemed
Our life’s purpose and the relentless quest for certainty.
What does it mean to be clear in the midst of not knowing? What does this have to do with realizing our purpose? Everything. Many people come to coaching seeking clarity. So many of us assume that clarity will feel like certainty, yet clarity is most alive when surrendering to what’s unknown. Fear and doubt are also hunkered down in the unknown, waiting for us. For me, fear and doubt manifest as confusion. I get confused when I’m really not. I pretend I need more clarity when I’m right at the edge of what I know is true and what
Doing Your Work: Your Life. Your Calling. Our World.
True or False: The following career advice is awesome… Studies show that people with a university education make more money. Therefore, get yourself a formal education, even if you can’t afford it, preferably from a prestigious university. Your degree will ensure that you gain employment and have all the skills you need if you want to bust out on your own. When you go for that job, find one where the roles and expectations are clear. Follow the rules and you’ll have security and move up and make more and more money. Try to go for something that you enjoy, but
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