One of the gifts of 2020, if we can pull it in close, is that of shattered illusions. Things may not be as set as they seemed. Control wasn’t in our grasp. No one really knows what they’re doing and we sure as heck can’t predict the future. As the year rounds its end, as the autumn season closes in the northern hemisphere, I’ve been reflecting a lot on digestion, shedding, letting go, shaking off. Harvesting the gifts of what’s here and letting the rest return to the unknown. In my body this has meant finding the places that are
Love your Humanity
The Power of Feedback
I had just finished a series of long facilitation days with a lot of give. The kind that leaves me on empty hours before it’s time to turn in. I was digging deep, running the inner generator and sourcing energy from the sheer commitment to making a difference and not mucking it up. That kind of push renders me raw and tender, like my skin is turned inside out, like I could cry for no other reason than to release what I’ve been holding. As I was packing up my bag, a colleague came up to me and said “I’ve
A poem from my deathbed
These are the pressurized years, at a time in history, rolling out like a musty carpet full of lumps and glass. How to walk in a straight line, disoriented, terrifying, desperate. You’re sweetly committed to navigating the unknown as though your moment by moments are resting in wider trust. What you’ll come to know is that the tightness in your shoulders is from the grip of control. For you, control has always been about being a step ahead. A step ahead in understanding. A step ahead in compassion. A step ahead in whatever you think will make you good. As
Coping in the Unknown
We’ve been getting a crash course in navigating the unknown. Like in a super macro way. No effing around, 2020 has us on the edge. The edge of our seats, the edge of our capacities, the edge of evolution. When you’re at your edge, what are the coping mechanisms that pop up first? Distracting or dissociating? The ol’ numb + soothe? Controlling yourself, others or your environment? Fits of fear or flight? Being able to be with uncertainty and navigate the unknown is a skill we can actually develop. But being able to regulate ourselves before our lizard brains take
Is excellence your enemy?
For years, I found myself in the same pattern. I’d be pursuing a vision or goal, something right on the edge of a whole new territory of creativity, genius, and impact. I’d feel electric with possibility. Then I’d get sick. I’d pull back. Daunted and disheartened, I just wouldn’t have the energy for it. Especially the pieces that felt vulnerable, risky, hard. I assumed I’d just taken on too much. I first caught the pattern when I read The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. One of the concepts he unpacks is what happens when we try to make the leap
Does this add up? Small moves. Big vision.
Have you ever had a vision be so big that any steps you take toward it feel pale, inadequate and like they’ll never add up? Like the reality of your work, efforts, and results are in and of themselves evidence of failure or mediocrity? The enormity of what’s needed, utterly daunting? When the gap between vision and the current manifestation of things is big and when you look around at people who are carrying out such visions, such bigness, such impact, anything that’s in the shadow of that vision can seem so small. Perhaps you tell yourself, those are big
But what if I suck?
The slugs have decimated my kale and I’m pissed about it. So much effort, love and attention in setting up this little growing paradise and half the plants are gone. This is a metaphor for life, my lovely neighbour. I’m not reaching, stay with me here. Slugs are the small, inner narratives that slowly creep in when it’s dark and eat away at the parts of us that are trying to find the light and grow. They don’t start with the stems. They don’t go after that which is hardy and stable, they go after the leaves. The delicate, new growth
I can’t believe I almost got this tattoo
Several years ago, I was planning to get a massive owl tattoo on my shoulder. I’d talked myself into the meaning and significance of this bird and chosen an artist who came recommended by the server at the organic pie shop who had beautiful, vintage butterflies tattooed down her arm. Then I had an awakening. Not the kind that comes from a steady meditation practice or Ayahuasca journey. This awakening happened in the middle of Exposure Home, a basic, trendy home store on Commercial Drive in Vancouver. I saw this cool owl book end in the style I was thinking
The collapse of life and work. How are we adapting?
Balancing ‘work’ and ‘life’ right now is what one might call a ‘shit show’. I love it. Kind of. I just tried to record a video for you. Twice. Both ended when my toddler started screaming outside my office door. Actually, the first one, I just kept going, because many parents now have a new ‘work soundtrack’ and it sounds like their kids! But then my dog started barking, the distractions became intolerable and I just really wanted to be living BY MYSELF in a hotel room so I could work in peace. As I write this I can hear
Working from home? A survivor’s guide
Families are getting a crash course in how to work from home together with their children and before mass insanity ensues, I thought I’d drop some tips. My family has mastered this shit. I’ve run my business online with location independence since 2009. My husband also works from home, running a non-profit, going to grad school and holding the role of DDP (default daytime parent.) We have an 18 month old toddler and 12 year old and some hot tips for how to juggle. Here is all you need to know. You’re welcome. Have a solid morning ritual: We like
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