I used to feel like a fraud. But that’s because I’d bought into the notion that we one day ‘arrive’, or that perfection is, like, a real thing. Of course some things do contribute to feeling fraudulent or like an impostor. When I was doing hair without a hairdressing licence, I was certainly riding that line. Having credentials help in feeling legit. But cred comes from all sorts of places. Besides, feeling fraudulent, I’ve noticed, starts to nip at people’s self esteem, not because they’re actually lying about some significant lack of credentials or capacity. It’s typically because there’s something
Love your Humanity
Satisfy without settling. Reach without Grasping.
There’s a certain kind of pain that can come with being able to see what’s possible. Ideals can be crippling. Looking out into the future that holds the better version of your life may call you forward with exuberance, all frothing at the mouth with the potential of it all. Or maybe it makes the present look bleak, the circumstances you’re in the fold of feel inadequate and what you currently have, pale in contrast to what you’re longing to hold. I’ve heard so many people tell me that they can’t let themselves feel satisfaction for what they have, for
Chaos And Form. Why You Shouldn’t Try To Have Your Shit Together
Everyone seems to want to have their shit together. Have you noticed this? When we don’t have our shit together, we’re all ‘man, I really need to get my shit together.’ Maybe it’s your finances or your messy house or the dramas that pop up. Maybe it’s figuring out what you want to be when you grow up (even though you’re already an adult,) or getting on top of your health and fitness or finally having a daily schedule and rhythm that sticks. In my fantasy world imagination there’s a place where everything takes an ideal form. There’s an ideal
My First Betrayal. The Pubic Hair Debacle.
Grade five. A slumber party. Marcy’s house, in the basement wreck room. Truth or dare. We’d played lots of truth or dare and spin-the-bottle before this night, at Matthew’s house on Wednesday afternoons after his dad taught us about science. My first French kiss was in a closet there and it was like sliding a slug over my tongue which was both exciting and totally unimpressive. But this time, it was just the girls. It was the first time I was aware of ‘group energy’, of the feeling of a collective altered state. In my memory we were all high
What Do We Need To Fearlessly Lead?
Why do we kill our leaders? The big deal messengers and revolutionaries get assassinated or crucified. We shred our men for their weaknesses and failures and shun our women for their cellulite and saddlebags. It’s no wonder that there’s a collective fear of sticking one’s neck out. It’s not a shock to me that most of us are pre-occupied with what others are going to think. When we really take a stand, use our voice and take the front line of something that matters, we open ourselves up to all sorts of scrutiny. We have an insane imagination that those who lead
Satisfaction with Completion: The A-Type’s Blind-Spot
There’s a massive hill in front of us and my kid gives a defeated sigh before dismounting his bike. “No way,” I say, “you’ve totally got this. Here, I’ll give you a boost.” Encouraged, he jumps back on his bike with a big old grin. Up the hill we go, his little legs pumping, my hands on his back running behind him pushing him towards the top, his training wheels rattling as though they’re going to break free. We’re both laughing and whooping and calling out encouragements. We hit the top of the hill, high five and start heading down
Your Best Work Comes From Your Natural Rhythms- Breaking And Building Habits That Work
I’ve been arguing with my accountant for years now about the legitimacy of writing off my yoga membership as professional development. I might just do a teacher’s training so that I can finally claim this one since a consistent practice, (and one that’s supported with teachers and community,) is instrumental for my capacity to do my work. The kind of presence and awareness needed, to be able to meet, hold and work with a client in a way that deeply serves them, isn’t simply drawn upon from nothing, nor can it be cranked through. I need to be deeply engaged
GOSSIP. THE FAST FOOD OF CONNECTION
You want me to see you. You want me to know you. You want me to get what makes you tick and seek and swoon. I want you to hear me. I want you to meet me. I want your curiosity to wash me open and exposed and delight in what she sees. We want connection. We want resonance and shared meaning and recognition. We want to give and receive the treats of our meandering souls. And so we talk about our acquaintance’s failings and our sister’s secrets. We whisper about the underdog’s disgrace or the head cheerleader’s imperfections. There’s
Everyone’s busy- How to create inner space when life is crammed
I’m going to throw out a ridiculous question here and ask if you’ve ever struggled with having too many things to do and not enough time to do it? Obviously. That’s how things are these days, a month’s worth of ideas packed into an afternoon’s schedule only to be half-completed through at frantic speed or trudged through with that nagging feeling that we’re just getting further behind. Toss some unpredictable life stress in there like a displeased client, project deadlines missed by others, a pissed partner that seems to come out of nowhere, tax season, or your children just being
The Good News Is…It Doesn’t Get Better
I used to imagine that once I had more under my belt, once I had some measure of success, that things would be easier and I would be less afraid. I used to imagine that being seen and recognized and validated for who I am and what I have to offer would give me a sense of impenetrable confidence. Now that I have arrived where I imagined these experiences would occur, I get to confront a different reality. It’s at once agonizing and utterly liberating. More on this in a moment…first a short tale… I was walking down the street
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