I’m super stoked about this week’s practice. It touches on a theme that I see weaving through the experience of many.
Seeking validation. Boom.
Here’s the rub, ready? You feel like you totally have something to offer, some gifts you want to bring forth and like you can really make a difference and be a success. BUT…you hit walls, don’t feel received or even have ‘nay-sayers’ in your life who don’t see your shine. So you start to wonder…’am I out to lunch? Am I actually inadequate? Do I really have something great to bring? Am I really any good at all?’ Some validation would be pretty great at this point wouldn’t it? So you’re on the hunt…be seen…be validated…but that seeking doesn’t feel like it honours who you know you are and it just gets you all caught up in the wrong things…
If this feels at all familiar…if you want to stop orienting around seeking the validation of others while also claiming your value and earning the reputation you know you deserve, this week’s practice is for you.
If you’d love a practice created just for you, click here.
Here’s the text version of the practice if you want to skip the video or didn’t take a bunch of notes!
Practice: Begin by identifying a quality or skill that you want to bring forth. This could be a really concrete, practical skill (like bookkeeping or rockin’ excel or graphic design,) or a less externally observable quality (like ‘holding space’ for others or ‘listening for what matters to someone’.)
Be clear on the skill or the quality before you bring it into practice. You’ll bring it in with another, either doing the thing with them or for them.
Once you’ve completed bringing this forward, you get to practice ‘interior and exterior checking’ (watch the video for more context,) by getting a bit vulnerable and asking for feedback.
Tell the person, explicitly, what skill or quality you were bringing forth and what your intention was with what you were just doing. Next, ask them for their feedback on how you did. You’re going to ask them:
- What worked?
- What didn’t work?
- What do you see is the gap between where I am now and where I’d need to be to be totally embodied (or proficient,) at this skill or quality?
If you’re used to seeking validation, asking for feedback in this way might be scary. The intention with asking these questions are not to get an A+ or a gold star, but to begin to explore the gaps for you to grow into and really build the reputation you want. Here are some reflective questions to work with on your own after doing the practice. These are intended to help bring even more awareness to how you perceive yourself, others and what you’re bringing to the table on behalf of accurate self-assessment.
- With the feedback the person offered, in what ways do I feel it was really accurate to my own experience?
- In what ways did the feedback they gave me feel off? (get curious about if this. Is this a ‘you’ thing or a ‘them’ thing or something in between?)
- What surprised me about the feedback and what does this tell me about my own assessment of myself?
I do hope this is all useful for you. May you lean into your work and the sharing of your gifts with gorgeous confidence and wide eyed curiosity.